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Ready to Talk About It

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Going to teach my first lesson. I was five months into therapy. I've hinted at it before, but I don't know if I have ever written it explicitly before on this blog. I have depression and anxiety. I'm okay now, but two years ago things were very different. Two years ago I realized that I didn't want to be an engineer. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I knew Chemical Engineering wasn't for me. I told my parents and they decided we should wait and year and come back to it. I didn't make it. You see, I spent most of March to October obsessing over this dilemma. It culminated at the beginning of October when my Mom called me one morning and I burst into tears. Bursting into tears wasn't a new thing, most of the phone calls I made at this time involved a lot of crying. What made this call different was the literal hysterics. I couldn't breathe and I was just in the worst state imaginable. Both of parents drove up to my school to bring me to th
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The Negative

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I did y'all. This Saturday, I weighed in at 0.8 below my official Weight Watchers "starting weight." I was 188.6 pounds. This is the happiest I have ever been to see that number. I had the best meeting. Since it is Mardi Gras, I was able to go home and attend the meeting at the location I started at like 10 years ago. AND I had the same leader. Ms. Donna was so happy to see me, and we caught up on everything that has been going on since we last saw each other like two years ago. This week has been filled with King Cake, and I was doing just fine until we had a parent bring one in as a "thank you" to the front office staff. I caved and I had one piece. A very, very small piece. And, I loved it. Every single bite. Every single point. Every thing about that piece of King Cake was so worth it. It may also be attributed to the HELL of a day we had at work that Friday, but it was still just amazing. I have 25 pounds to go until I make it to my pre-depression
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Dreams

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I missed my meeting yesterday because of heavy rain in the area. The streets were flooded, and I found myself with time to spare before I had to go to a concert with a friend of mine. The concert was for the entire music department at our University. I used to sing in the choir, and I wanted to see what the group was up to since my life in science took control of ALL my spare time. The concert was about dreams. Specifically, the concert was about the musical dreams of the students in the college. Suddenly, I found myself very sad. I was mourning the loss of a dream of mine that I realized too late into college to take a hold of. It's hard to realize at twenty that you're too old for something, and coming to terms with the fact that I will never be a singer really brought my night down. My voice isn't what it was when I graduated, and even if it was, by the time I would graduate I would be too old to join any opera troupe. But today is a new day. I have new dreams, and whi
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This is Me

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Week 1: -6.5 pounds Total: +14.1 pounds Well, I don't really know how to start this. My intention is for no one to find this blog. This is going to be my journal for this journey. I want so much for this to be last time I try to lose weight. I want so much for this to be the time I make it to my goal weight. I guess I should start from the beginning. I have been fat for pretty much my entire life. Excluding sophomore year of high school when I restricted all of my eating habits for the entire year and lost sixty pounds, I have never been a healthy weight. I have tried probably every safe diet trend on the planet. Two years ago when I started college, I decided that I didn't want to gain the infamous Freshman Fifteen. So, I started Weight Watchers....for the third time. It worked. I lost twenty-five pounds, and while I wanted to lose fifty, I was really proud of where I was. Then life happened. I discovered I hated my major, and I was struggling to figure out where I wante
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